I am a private man, but I have flushed several toilets in this community. They’ve all got different attitudes and personalities. So, INS asked Bob, our loyal tradesman, to write up a column for us.

-Dr. Alfred Beryl

Here is what Bob wrote us:

Hi Alfred,

The stuff you are saying is making sense. I get it. Mason County has its problems and I do not think you are being harsh about it, you told me the facts.

Anyway, the toilets. A lot of them here give up halfway through a flush and some toilets you have to hold the flusher for 20 seconds. There’s some even you got to jiggle the lever, it’s just too much seniors of the population. Sometimes people are having to open up the tank and flush from the inside.

The point is, doc. They all have broken personalities and sometimes the drain pipes got problems too, but we won’t go there. In Mason County, you’re right that we don’t got enough plumbers.

I do have some answers for you. Whether the county does them or not concerns the homeowners who pay their government’s salaries.

I know you sent your news team out in the field to homeowners and clientele and discovered the scheduling back-ups. A reporter of yours told me a resident said he called a plumber and the best the company could do was get out there in six months.

On the job site we call a mess like this a Dog’s Breakfast. I believe the Mason County government is making this breakfast worse.

Hello. This is Dr. Beryl writing again… The Board of Commissioners has been using a new phrase to describe their housing interests, the Mason County Housing Program.

We asked what it is. In short, we found out it is a program to build entirely new developments. Unfortunately, one question is often not enough to get anything specific out of our government subjects.

In newspapers where I’ve been in charge before, I coached my reporters to ask question after question in order to get even the slightest bit of leeway for answers to be revealed. I got fired a few times for this, but we always got answers.

A few weeks ago on a Friday, I sent reporter Marco Iafrate to visit with Andrew Kmetz about the housing. Kmetz is the county treasurer. Mr. Iafrate did exactly as I coached him in the following casual conversation.

Iafrate: “Let me ask you this. Is there any reason why you guys talk the way you do… not putting it in laymen’s terms.

The subject of the conversation, according to Iafrate’s recording device, was “advancing” some money from the county’s general fund to the county’s housing interest.

Kmetz: “That’s the technical term for it.”

“I-I know.”

“Yea… so.”

“Have you given any thought to explaining it to the public sitting down [at the government] meetings?”

“…That’s an interesting question. I think it’s… we have to use the proper terminology for it.”

Mr. Kmetz’ reasoning was because they are liable to using that terminology. In other words, he said that it is their responsibility to the law of the state.

Kmetz: “We are definitely willing to meet with them (the public). If we don’t use the correct terminology then we could be conveying false information.”

Iafrate: “Yea. You ever thought about doing both, like synonyms? After you say ‘advance’… you could say, ‘in other words ladies and gentleman.’ There’s real simple folk around here.”

“Well, I think it is… it gets into technical discussion and it’s not our intention to confuse people. We do have to use the correct terminology. We will talk with anyone after the meetings, they can contact my office anytime for further information. We have to call it what it is.”

“Thanks for the time Andrew.”

I will now address Mr. Iafrate’s comment on the simple folk in our community, it was not an insult. Our stance on intelligence is this: it is not all words and spelling to us. Intelligence is knowing land, knowing weather, knowing survival. Spelling and grammar make up a small part of building a community and we stand firmly by that in the face of opposition to our belief.

As for the interview, we do not care if people gossip about my coaching style with my reporters’ questioning. The Mason County ballpark has a certain nature about it and a good coach adapts to the stadium he’s in.

We understand the nature of our job too. We enjoy it. It makes steel out of us.

As members of the tax-base, however, we do not excuse our government for often not volunteering information. They are poised in such a way that we must pull teeth at many instances of questioning. In the end, it is only unfortunate for them because teeth aren’t scientifically proven to grow back.

The dental work we have to go through is tedious at times. What it takes is patient pulling and wiggling.

After that, we discovered that the county has interests to build entirely new housing. They’re now spending taxpayer money on land surveys. We are united at INS in thinking the way they go about their program is poorly thought out.

Bob then made some suggestions for the Mason County government based on the facts INS gathered. He wrote them down for us to publish.

Bob’s Suggestions:

While there are plenty of construction companies at the county disposal, there aren’t hardly any plumbers and there’s a client backlog.

I suggest the county talk about this in committee and task one of the politicians on the Board of Commissioners who knows the land and buildings to invite the plumbing industry to settle in our community.

We are aware that some of the politicians have walked the land that the county is interested in.

Where there are homes, there are pipes. We need to get honest plumbers here if we are going to break ground and build more housing in a professional manner.

I believe Mason County was left with good finances after Fabian Knizacky’s retirement as the man in charge of the county. So, I think this can be done with our own money alone.

Thank you for reading my first column,

Bob the Builder

Bob is our man on trades, the only one he knows least is electricity. In this photo, he is speaking to an audience from his home television program.